Well, I was in high hopes for a baby girl this time but alas, the fates have laughed & handed me a boy instead. A very bullheaded, stubborn boy :)
Some days, it seems all so surreal that this is finally really happening. Adam Walker Lee Wyatt will be here sometime around February 15th :) Here's crossing my fingers he stays healthy & comes happy!
I am 9 weeks pregnant tomorrow :) After so much trying & failing, the doctors say this could be it. There are no complications so far. I am so excited, past the point of being scared, & just can't thank my stars enough for this chance. I've been busting to tell the world, and since I can't totally do that yet, this'll have to do :)
Looking back at that girl in these old pictures, it makes me laugh at how naive & innocent those rose-colored glasses make us. As we get older & we see the world, we are still determined hold on to any shred of hope that the fairytale exists. Atleast until we're pushed too far, too many times.
I used to believe wholeheartedly in monogamy, in true love with one person for the rest of my life. I guess somewhere along the way, I just snapped. I'm not sure I'll ever be okay with monogamy again. Being with one single person, the thought of giving someone else that exclusive open window to rip me apart again, gives me literal hives.
Compliments of the many men who've screwed me over :)
Today makes 596 days that I have been sober. I'm very thankful for that number, when I wasn't sure I'd make it past 2 weeks alive.
2014, so far, has been full of crazy happenings :-) Marley accompanied us to the Mardi Gras pet parade & went apeshit to the noise!! He didn't like it at all. Of course, he's 15+ in human years so I guess it should've been anticipated.
I became the parent to a 3-month-old pitbull pup. I'm not a big fan of dogs, especially not monstrous dogs, one of which he'll grow to be. But as aggrivating as he is and rambunctious to boot, he's another step out of my shell. Tiger is his best bud. Heath-Bug isn't sure what to think of him. Leo doesn't realize they aren't all his size and sometimes I have to push him away when his play gets too rough. Of course, Tiger, even without claws, beats the shit out of him all on his own.
Jake has gotten so big on me. He'll be 5 this year.
Thankful I can still check up on him, and know how he
& Livvy are
:)
I take care of children for a living, and there's never a dull moment. They provide alot of candid photo shoots, off-the-wall questions, and messssssssy art projects. I couldn't make it through a day without them. :-)
After 2 years, I think I've finally found someone to try again with. I'm not going to put the horse before the cart, but I'm trying to keep an open mind and not be so cynical. One thing for sure, he constantly pulls me out of my comfort zone. For me, that's scary, and a bit of a mood-killer. On the other hand, I need it. I need to constantly test those limits or I'll just end up in the same place again.
Yep, 2014 might just be my year :-)
If you've never seen the movie Burlesque, with Cher and Christina Aguilera, you should. The blog title, Last of Me, is actually a song Cher solos in the movie. Her character is fighting to overcome great odds that are against her. She's told from all sides that she should just give up something that's near and dear to her, probably because the easiest road is the one most often taken.
" Feeling broken
Barely holding on
But there's just something so strong
Somewhere inside me
And I am down but I'll get up again
Don't count me out just yet
I've been brought down to my knees
And I've been pushed way past the point of breaking
But I can take it I'll be back
Back on my feet
This is far from over
You haven't seen the last of me
They can say that I won't stay around
But I'm gonna stand my ground
You're not gonna stop me
You don't know me
You don't know who I am
Don't count me out so fast
There will be no fade out
This is not the end
I'm down now
But I'll be standing tall again
Times are hard but I was built tough
I'm gonna show you all what I'm made of"
This song is so much my life, atleast for the last 2 years, if not the entirety of it. Since just after Labor Day weekend 2011, my world has been one chaotic storm after another. Thankfully, part of that chaotic mess has brought me 17 months of sobriety, and though I wish I could have done it without such a slam in the face as my DWI has been, I can't complain. I have been emotionally, physically, and mentally destroyed in this journey, but I am learning to heal. I'm a survivor. I won't be counted out. I have to keep clawing my way to the next step.
It has been a rocky few weeks, but I've survived. The good part in all of it is that I'm still sober. I didn't give in.
