Love is a poison
And the recovery is like a snakebite
Excrucuating
Love is brutal, encompassing
Beautiful for a time
It covers your eyes
In rose-colored classes
And when they are ripped off
The world is a much different place
Thunder rolls, foreboding
Lightning fills the sky
With its heady show
The waters churn madly
Like an angry Poseidon stirring
The depths with his Trident
Winds howl through the trees
Uprooting the dying and dilapidated
No flowers can grow here
In this packed sandy soil
The stars can't be seen
Through the thick clouds overhead
And the moon...
Well, the moon fell
It's aweful wet and gloomy out today.
I have tried finding just a friend to hang out with. I've tried really hard. They're all ending up being guys, ironically they keep being named Chris..I groan every time that comes up. Yesterday, I told one I was changing his name.
They all want a relationship. I DON'T! I am so opposed to that idea, I can hardly stand the thought of it. I just want a friend. Why is that so hard to comprehend? I'm doing so much better on my own. I'm figuring myself out, getting comfortable in my own skin. Emotional attatchments aren't worth the complications. Besides, they would just be a stand-in for him. That's not fair to anyone.
It seems like the sun is starting to come out. I might go & try to get some pictures before work. Tootles.
Totally came up with that title just now, sitting here on the bed, when a cat fight broke out between Tiger & Trouble. Poor Tiger with no claws, all he has to fight with is his teeth & boy does he use them. He rules the roost & he knows it. :)
I can't sleep. I can't most nights these days. I have to be back at work in a few hours & I'm still wide awake.
In an effort to keep my mind on happier things & off of where my mind wanders when it's idle, I'm trying to come up with things to add to my bucket list.
I went on an outing this week, taking pictures of some amazing places. To kill time, I wandered into the Bass Pro Outpost in Downtown Branson. It's no comparison to the awesomeness that is the flagship store in Springfield, but I had an idea. :) Funny how that happens :p
Anyway, the idea was that I need to fish. Yes yes, I can hear the snickers. I know HOW to fish, but I want to learn to scale & clean them myself. I want to learn how to filet them myself too. :) I know it probably sounds absurd but o well. It's now on the list.
I want to learn to change my own oil. I want to learn to fix my own car. Silly, huh? Well, I think that I need to have these goals, to prove to myself that I'm totally fine on my own. That I don't need anybody's help, and I don't need anyone to complete me. I complete me.
"The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."
~Lao Tzu
I'm getting into painting. I'm no Monet but it's not half bad. :) I've started experimenting with charcoal. It hasn't been half bad either, but I'll keep working at it. For Christmas, I did a birdhouse. I thought it turned out pretty good. I hope the special people that recieved it as a gift get many years of use out of it.
I currently have 3 crochet projects in the works, ironically all blankets. I guess it's a testament to how much I "chase rabbits", because I can't ever finish a full project before starting another. But I'm working on staying focused with it.
I want to use my next decently temperatured off-day to go down to the Conservation Area on Shepherd of the Hills & hike the trail. It winds down for miles through the hills. I think the pictures alone would be well worth it, but I really want to find a place to hang up the ENO! Hoping that I can scout out a place for when it warms up a bit. There's also a place called Dogwood Canyon down towards the ARK line, that is supposed to have some amazing landscapes and scenery. I can't wait to take pictures.
That's another thing. I can't seem to get enough pictures. I critique them, take a million shots of the same thing. Change angles, try again. I think that is the thing I hate most, but cherish more then anything. It keeps a part of home close to my heart.
I think I'm going to try to sleep now. I've got about 3 1/2 hours till I have to be up for work, so goodnight. I'm sure my devoted dropper-by's from Russia will enjoy this rambling post. :) Maybe one day I'll get real traffic.
I got to do birthday parties at work today!!! I was so excited & I had so much fun. I stayed in constant motion all day & it kept my mind on things other than everything i shouldn't be thinking about.
Anyway, the funny things about today would only be funny to us Southerners that call these things "tradition".
I put an extra candle on each birthday cake I did today, which is what we call "one to grow on". Well, apparently Missouri's a little behind the times. Lol. Every party had atleast one person that asked why there was an extra candle on the cake. I had to literally bite my lips to keep from doubling over in hysterics! Why do you people not know this????? Really. :)
The restaurant got in the weeds in the midst of my last party. I was helping run drinks & take care of tables. Even made a little cash out of it. Not too shabby. ;) Sooooo...I had a lady aske me for an iced tea...Of course, out of habit, my first question was "Sweet or Unsweet?" She & our cashier looked at me really funny, like I had 10 heads or something. Yea, seems I'm too far north for silly commodities such as SWEET tea. It was definitely a jawdropper. :)
With my couple dollars I made in tips, I stopped by McDonald's (Walmart, I always mix them up). :) I had to get some ziploc bags to seperate my chicken breasts & leeks from my grocery run the other night. I always sort through the $5 bin. Hehe. I seldom find something decent, and if I do, I usually already have it. I have alot of chik-fliks. && I rarely find one of those 4-in-1's that doesn't have 3 of the movies I already have plus 1 great one I've never seen! Hehe. This one has 3 movies I DON'T have & have NEVER seen, and just 1 I already have. && it's $5???? YES!!!!
Every time I hear Montgomery Gentry's " Tattoos & Scars", I can't help but disagree. Well, I don't think disagree is the right word. I just have a different way of looking at it.
I agree that outer scars from a life of hard work, of war, of providing for your family, is so much more significant than a tattoo that was gotten on a whim.
For example, I knew a girl who had a friend paying for her tattoo & she needed a cheap one. So she settled for "Fuck You" over one ear & "Pay Me" over the other. Just because it was cheap. I'm not usually one to judge, but even I had to gag on that one.
In the song, I feel that's what the young man did. He compared his bad judgement calls to the valiant selflessness & service of his older counterpart.
But I take the song in a very different direction. I think outer scars, no matter how you got them, can't compare to inner scars. To me, for people like me, that's what tattoos are. They are an outer representation of the scars on the inside. I might have visible scars from my years of self-mutilation, but there are so many that are not visible. My tattoos represent my inner scars. My tattoos, and the stories behind them, could tell you more about me than I would ever probably tell you from my own lips. In that generalization, tattoos and scars are not different things. They are one & the same.
