It Will Be...

These past few weeks have been a rollercoaster of emotion, of fighting with myself, of trying to figure out where I go from here...& yet out of all that fighting with myself, the only conclusion I have come to is that I do not want to ever feel this way again. I never want to hurt like this, I never want to open up to anyone else ever again & allow them the tools to rip me apart. I've had the privelege of loving twice in my lifetime, and I believe those will suffice for an eternity & beyond.

Now, it is time for me to focus on myself. It's going to take me a long time to pull myself out of the hole of debt I've drowned myself in with all the changes I've had to make. But like always, I'll come out on top. Eventually, I will go to school, and have that Bachelors of Criminal Justice degree that I want so badly. I will own a house that only has my name on it, and a car that is completely paid for. I'll have a baby, even if I have to adopt, if it's ultimately proven that I will never carry to term. Of course, this last miscarriage was proof enough for me.

This next year is going to be hard. It's going to be an uphill climb. That's okay. I finally feel like I'm capable of fighting again. I won't allow myself to be weak again. It costs me too much, way too much. I'm better off without emotions complicating things, getting in the way. The year began with my humble promise that 2012 would be about me. Well, consider this the reiteration of that promise. No matter what, I'm going to be okay.